


WHO are you?

by Starjargon



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: AU 13th Doctor speculation, Borderline crack, Doctor descriptions, Gen, Humor, Nonsense, One Shot, Random Fluff, all the Doctors - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-27
Updated: 2014-04-27
Packaged: 2018-01-20 23:22:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1529549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starjargon/pseuds/Starjargon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor gets a phone call, and doesn't know whether to be insulted or flattered when the caller asks which Doctor he is. Humorous little one-shot that amused me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	WHO are you?

It happened just as Donna and Martha were saying goodnight to him, turning away to go to bed after a long day of sludge. After the incident on Midnight, Donna convinced him to pick up the young doctor and to spend some happy time recuperating. How was he to know the mud baths of Piro V were more like concrete and less like heaven? Weary, unrelaxed, and agitated, the two women said goodnight to the slightly amused Time Lord, turning just as they heard it. He had been planning on going to Klelp for the great graffiti fest, but was interrupted by the ringing of a phone.

He looked at it, wary, searching for a way to answer it. Donna rolled her eyes, coming back toward him and pressing what was to her, an obvious button.

He turned to her, eyebrow raised in scolding.

"Er… yes? Hello. This is the Doctor's phone. Apparently."

"Hello Sweetie. I forgot to tell you, pick up some biscuits on your way back. Ooh, and some of those little sweets from Charlon Moon Base."

"River Song?"

"Of cour- Doctor? Which you did I call? How old are you?"

"Younger than I think you were expecting."

"But you know me? Ooh, this is exciting! Which face is this- I've got pictures! Wait, let me get my journal…"

"River, I don't think-"

"Is it this the leather- wearing pouter with the ears?" She burst out excitedly.

"...that this is a good- pouter?!" Donna and Martha somehow seemed in less of a hurry to leave the console room.

"Ooh, or the soulful blonde with the sad blue eyes?"

"Well-" he smiled for himself proudly.

"Oh, please tell me you're not still wearing the coat of colour- spectrum defiance, Sweetie." He detected a hint of reproach in her voice.

"What- no!"

"Good- do you carry an umbrella?"

"Only when it rains. Look, River-" Martha and Donna now had their hands over their mouths, giving him suspicious and questioning looks in between sniggers.

"Silver- haired fox with the slim features and piercing eyes that just scream 'broken?'" Donna snorted loudly at that description.

"Who?"

"Delicious looking dandy?"

"You too- who even _says_ dandy anymore?" he flustered as he felt warmth race up his cheeks.

"Is it... _you?_ Are- did you regenerate on Karn?" she nearly whispered.

"Nobody should know about that." There was no trace of amusement in his voice or expression.

"Ooh, my lovely bowtie- wearing buffoon with the silly recorder and loose trousers?!"

"Buffoon?! Why I-" He felt he should be insulted for past him.

"I know you can't be the self- important fuddy-duddy with the walking stick- wait, is Susan with you?"

"That was the first me, River, hasn't been me for-"

"The ginger with the earring?"

" _Earring?_! Wait- did you say Ginger?!" There was no small excitement in his voice at that, even as a finger passed subconsciously over a lobe.

"Oh, the romantic- looking one with the wavy brown hair?"

"Did I really look romantic?" He began to preen, thinking on his past selves.

"Okay, enough- my own impatience is getting the better of me- which one are you?"

"Erm..." he stuck a finger down his collar, attempting to get more air as he turned and saw his two so- called _friends_ expectantly looking at him, tears rolling down their faces as they shook violently in laughter. He looked to the ceiling, silently begging the TARDIS to let him melt into the floor as he said, with all the confidence the embarrassed Time Lord could muster, "I'm the pretty one."

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, confession for those of you wondering about Martha and Donna's role in this... Originally, it was going to be a longer, somewhat different story, but when I went back to complete it, I couldn't remember what it was! So, I tweaked what I had and ended it differently to make it a short one-shot instead, but left the original setting with those two in there. Hope you still enjoyed it!


End file.
